Thrust once again on death’s bucking bronco

This is not our first rodeo.

A niece died in a house fire at the age of 9; a brother-in-law of colon cancer in his 50’s; our son at the age of 19 (15 years ago) in an accident; a 58 year old brother of a heart attack last year; my father at a relatively healthy 81 in 2011.  Even though we have some experience with the path and know some of the steps, it is not an easy one.  The backbone of death’s horse that is bucking us does not get any softer.

My brother, 13 months my senior and retired one year earlier than I is dying of melanoma.  He saw a dermatologist every year, but there was no outward sign – no mole.  It is stage 4 and progressing rapidly, apparently, now in his lungs his liver and his lymphatic system.  We are likely off to the Atlanta next week, contingent on a conversation with his wife tomorrow after she consults with hospice folks.

John, of Viva Veracruz, recently lost a sister.  I was unable to respond.  I feel a bit bad about that.  To all of us who have lost friends and siblings and relatives at a premature age – we need to keep breathing and living.  Those are our tasks.

As Bob Gibson used to say “shitfuckpiss.”

The formatting on this ee cummings poem may not hold in this post, but it speaks to me today

Buffalo Bill ‘s
defunct
                     who used to
                     ride a watersmooth-silver stallion
and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat
                                                                                                                    Jesus
he was a handsome man
                                                            and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death

9 thoughts on “Thrust once again on death’s bucking bronco

  1. Trust Him
    when darkest thoughts
    assail thee.
    Trust Him
    when thy faith is small.
    Trust Him
    when to simply
    Trust Him
    Is the hardest
    thing of all.

    Sending prayers at your time of sorrow.

  2. I am sorry for your loss. I know from personal experience that a new death brings back the pain of all the prior losses we have suffered.

  3. Thanks for your kind thoughts, words and prayers. The focus now, with the introduction of hospice into the picture, is my brother’s comfort then and his wife’s future and helping his close friends and god-children deal with the loss. There is important and needed ministry to be done during these times, be it secular or sacred, and doing that brings some comfort. Probably the legacy of being a Minister’s son.

  4. hard to *like* this post, but it certainly resonates. Our’s is the generation that has this happening more often than not;( I have a fairly large community of musical friends. We grew up stealing each others chops, gigs and girlfriends. Now we hope to be the ones commemorating life, not being remembered. It doesn’t get easier

  5. I am so sorry to hear this. It never gets easier, no matter who has gone before. The losses seem to add up instead of lessening the blow. I wish you comfort as you help your family and as you say goodbye to your brother.

  6. Buffalo Bill is Ruth Ann’s and mine helps us to keep our efforts up and to press froward. Our condolences.

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